Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
