I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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