if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
