I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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