I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
