i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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