I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
