he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
