we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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