Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize