thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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