At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
