My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize