And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
