Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The power of my boobs compel you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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