Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
