I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
