in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
