he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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