Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
