I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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