These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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