So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
