Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
