I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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