my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
