I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
