I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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