I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
