he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
