even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
