Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
