I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His nipple licking is glorious
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