I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize