I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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