Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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