Buhtt sex?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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