Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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