dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
