Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
