I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
