if i can run in heels then i can drive
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
