What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
4 words: hood of his car
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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