ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How's work?
Spinning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize