You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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