he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
