just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
