I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
