ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
