Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
