he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
