Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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