i just google imaged poop.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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