Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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