Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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