I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
