My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
