If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
