Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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