Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
