my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
