My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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