Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
