i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
