based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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