Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
