like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
