I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
