I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
